Gossip is the desire for intimacy without being willing to pay the price of opening yourself up to intimacy.

In other words, gossip is a perverted desire for intimacy. This doesn’t mean a gossip’s desire for intimacy is wrong, but the way it is approached, the refusal to share themselves, and often who they want to be intimate with is wrong.

Think of some examples: many people like to listen to juicy gossip about others which gives them a sense of “knowing” about another that is only suitable if in an intimate relationship with them.

Others share gossip in order to boast about their intimate knowledge or to create false intimacy between themselves and their hearers.

People love to hear gossip about celebrities so that they can feel/show off as though they “know” them intimately.

The solution…

Since gossip is motivated for a desire for intimacy, it is worthwhile checking to see whether gossippers have any truly intimate relationships. I do not know many (if any) happily married women (or men) who habitually gossip. I am not aware of people who have healthy, intimate friendships who could be called out on the mat about prying into other’s personal lives.

The antidote to gossip, therefore, is love. If a person feels loved, and increasingly intimately loved, gossip loses it’s power. Will there be temptation? Sure, but concentrating on the love possessed will cut the attraction.

Check out these posts for a broader understanding of my position:

All sin exists because of an unmet need.

Are there any actions that are evil?

Are there any feelings that are evil?

Are there any desires that are evil?

What is evil?

Note the question: What is love inspired by? Not, Where does love come from? The answer to the second question at it’s most basic is “God”. At it’s less basic, I believe we were created to love and have the ability to “originate” love (ie. love without inspiration…”just because”), and while that ability is now corrupted by sin, it can still be seen in parents - especially mothers - toward their children.

But when we are inspired to love, if it is not by glory, what is love inspired by?

Quite simply, by love.

This can be seen everyday and through Scripture.

Why does someone fall in love? Because they believe the other person loves them, or will love them. Little things, actions, smiles, kind words are interpreted as love, but should the other person consistently act in an unloving way, the person will eventually “fall out of love”.

Outside the romantic, the same holds true. Our natural response is to love our friends and hate our enemies. It is only with the help of God that we can love our enemies also. Even this, however, is inspired by love. As 1 John 4:19 says: “We love because He first loved us.” When we personally feel we have value, we are able to personally consider others valuable also.

This is seen in other situations. In a family where a child feels loved, they are more able to love other people. In this way, love not only inspires love toward the lover, it often inspires love toward others.

Why does this happen?

I’m not sure. Certainly, the fact that we feel valued seems to free us from getting our own affirmation and instead to look outward and value others. And the more we understand we are valued not because of anything we are or do (our intrinsic glory), the better we are able to love others despite what they are or do.

Is it the case that when we value others, we value from our own value? Ie. to give value means giving of ourselves? Therefore, if we don’t feel valuable, we do not see that we have anything to give. Is this how the Trinity works? That the Father values/loves the Son by giving Himself in the person of the Spirit to the Son? Is that what it means to value? To love?

Below are some scriptural examples of love being inspired by love. Any actions, words, characteristic perceived as giving love in the past, present or future can inspire love. Nothing else will.

(As a side note, I have heard that the Bible does not major on us recieving love, but rather giving love. Interestingly, in a word search, the majority of texts talked about God’s love for us and very few about a human’s love for Him.)

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